A Mother’s Wish

 

Little Guy celebrated his fifth birthday a couple of days ago.  I sort of took a step back to observe and reflect, on how much he has grown.  Five years – it feels like such a long time ago but also like not so long ago that he was just this tiny, gurgling, baby.  But yes, oh how he has grown, and how warm and happy I’m feeling inside (it’s an indescribable, fuzzy feeling), that yes, we did it, we made it through, all three of us – five years of grappling, worries, sweat, tears, and the trillion other things that parenthood, babyhood, whateverhood – brought upon us.

 I just feel so glad and proud that we have come so far.  What’s next for us?  What do mothers wish for in their children?

 Looking at Little Guy, I wish all these for him – that he’ll

•  be forever happy;
• be healthy;
• be safe;
• grow into a sensible, independent,  responsible and honest young man;
• always be surrounded by good friends;
• keep the faith;
• always have peace and love in his heart.

Of course there’re many other things that I would wish for him.  But these are the ones that I feel are most important.  These are the ones that will form the ‘foundation’ of how his life will turn out.

 Happy 5^th Birthday, Little Guy, we’re just so glad to have you in our lives!

 

Little Guy is watching (and copying) you…

Yeah, I’ve been MIA for a while… I’ve been finally busy at work, after being bored to death with nothing to do in the past couple of months.  Being busy at work is really a good thing.  I’ve never felt so satisfied at work till lately.

However, with my head buzzing at work, my emotions could be hard to control.  So Little Guy was at the end of my frustrations quite a number of times.  But each time, I’m still able to exercise some self-control and also redeem myself before Little Guy feels starts to feel bad.  I’ve reminded myself to be wary of what I bring back from work.  I think I’m getting better at leaving the buzz behind, now.

Sigh!  It’s tough being a parent isn’t it?  When a child is born, he is literally a clean sheet of paper.  He learns and picks up traits and mannerisms from the people and situations he sees around him.  And being his parents, we teach him things unconsciously.  Parents really need to be careful how they behave when a child is with them, otherwise, they might just see a mirror image of them in their child.

Little Guy has given us many surprises, some good and some bad.  And each time we (Big Guy and me) will wonder where, how and why he says or does certain things.  And sometimes, to our horror, we would realize that it came from one (or both) of us!

Big Guy is heavily prejudiced against women drivers and I fear Little Guy will be the same when he becomes a driver himself.  You see, Big Guy is his official chauffeur and Little Guy is always safely strapped in the child-seat right behind him.  So you can imagine how much he picks up from his daddy – the gesticulating at bad drivers, the condemnation of women drivers, and various phrases, including wah lau eh!

Now Little Guy hasn’t had the chance to apply all that he has learnt from his chauffeur daddy yet.  But I baulk at the thought of the day when he can finally take to the wheel, and me sitting in there with a sense of deja vu – Little Guy becoming Big Guy, in more sense than one!

For some reason, even when Little Guy spends more time with me, I find that in many things that he does, and words and phrases that he uses (right down to intonation and pronunciation), he copies Big Guy!  This is much to my chagrin, because I take pains to teach and to correct Little Guy when he speaks (whilst Big Guy happily continues his mispronunciation, monotones and Singlish).

Perhaps it’s a gender thing?  That boys will tend to look up more to their fathers and copy them in whatever things they do?

Hmmm… just earlier today, Big and Little Guy were on the Nintendo Wii having a race.  Big Guy uttered ‘Shit’ when he crashed and before I could shush him, you guessed it – Little Guy said ‘Shit’ too (his first time)!

We really need to keep watching our words and actions from now on.

 

Mum can cook!

Sigh!  I really wish that I had more time to write.  But ever since going back to work, time has been really tight.

 

All those work and housework things are just using up every bit of time that I have!

 

Maybe I’m spreading myself too thin – I work, I cook, I wash (ok, ok with the washing machine!), I iron and I clean.  I also have to take care of Big and Little Guy.  Oh, I must not forget to credit Big Guy, though, who has been helping out more at home since I started work.  Thanks Big Guy!

 

But back to the topic of cooking (see related post Can’t Cook?  Bah!)…

 

My new colleagues and many people I’ve met can’t believe that I cook dinner after work.  Most of them express a kind of wide-eyed, jaw-dropping, kind of surprise when I tell them so.

 

Is going home to cook after work so rare these days?  I know many people who don’t do it because they:

 

1. have a maid at home who takes care of cooking and all other chores
2. goes back to their parents’ home for dinner
3. eat out
4. order tingkat
5. simply can’t cook!

 

Now, I too could have opted to do 1, 3 or 4, but I don’t want to.

 

Why?

 

• It’ll be great to have a maid/helper handle things at home.  But I find it not very viable for me, as she will be alone at home in the day time while Big Guy and I are at work, and Little Guy at school.

 

Plus, all those horror stories about maids make it a less enticing option.

 

• Eating out – we do eat out a couple of times a week, and already we find it a headache deciding on where to go and what to eat.

The main reason that I choose to cook after work, is that we want to have wholesome, healthy, dinners.  Eating out usually means more salt, oil and whatever other stuff that’s bad for our health.

 

• Tingkat – I’ve always had the impression that tingkat dinners are mass-cooked in factory kitchens, many hours before dinner time.  And I don’t like it that they leave the tingkats outside our door before we come home from work – who knows who might have done what to the food?  I also don’t see much difference in ordering such dinners and eating out, other than eating in the comfort of my own home.  I could just 打包 freshly cooked 煮炒 (and paying a little more, for peace of mind).

Although eating healthily is the chief motivation for my insistence on home-cooked meals, there are some other reasons that motivate me to cook for my family.

 

I have heard male friends and strangers telling people that ‘my wife can’t cook’ or ‘my wife is a lousy cook’ and other variations of that.

 

Now, if my husband were to say that to his friends, I would be totally embarrassed (and maybe my husband would be too)!

 

There was an incident many years ago when I met up with an old friend.  He told me that he eats out every night because ‘my MUM is a TERRIBLE cook’.  This incident affected me quite deeply.  I was single then.  There and then, I decided that if I had kids, I would NEVER, NEVER ever let them say such a thing to their friends – ‘my mum can’t cook/ my mum is a terrible cook’.  It’s embarrassing and sad if a kid should have to say such truths about his mother.

 

I’m no great cook, but I can cook decent meals.  Meals that get the thumbs-up from Little Guy.  Although Big Guy is not the expressive type, the fact that he clears his plate every night already says a lot for him.

 

I don’t know – perhaps I’m old-fashioned, conservative, sexist, or whatever. I’m for the motion that all mothers should learn how to cook, and cook often for the family.

 

Agree?

 

Oh, and I don’t care if the man in the house is a great cook or if there is a maid to take care of the cooking.  The motion stands, regardless.

 

Agree?!  Huh?  Huh?!

 

What have I done?!

What have I done?!

I went and got myself a job, that’s what!

I went for an interview recently and have just been told that I’m hired!  I wasn’t even seriously looking for a job – the place where a friend works had a vacancy to fill (and she so much wanted me to join her in suffering there!).  I sent in my resume, was interviewed with a couple of others and they picked me.

Kelong?  Maybe.  But I do have the goods and I suppose employers trust referrals more?

So, YAY! J I got the job!  I got the job! 

Or

yay? L

Hmm… I going to start work exactly one year and one day after I quit my last job.  I’m apprehensive.  Wouldn’t you be, if you had to crank up that old rusty machinery of yours too?  And in the IT (a fast moving) industry too?  Have much passed me by?  I hope not!

Yes, I shouldn’t be complaining, given the spate of bad news of crashing stock markets, inflation, economic slowdown, etc, etc (basically bad news!).  And the job market is tightening, so I read in today’s papers.

So…

YAY!  J because:

• more money to spend!
• Big Guy’s happy ‘cos he does not need to give me an allowance any more!
• I’m lucky to have been able to take a one-year break.  It’s a luxury not many people can afford, and I thank God for it!
• no more doing ALL the housework!
• I have a job while some people don’t or can’t!
• this blog might have more fodder for its posts.

yay? L because:

• no more Auntie Days,
• no more lazy days where I can take one-hour naps whenever I feel like it,
• no more time for internet research,
• this blog will probably have less entries, or worse, die!
• no more bringing Little Guy to the movies in near empty theatres,
• my fitness programme will be affected,
• Big Guy’s not happy ‘cos he has to share in the housework again (why do I care?!J)
• I’m gonna have to be on my toes at work, and I hate the initial period of getting to know new people, culture, work, etc, etc
• no more lounging around in whatever I like! 
• I have to iron crinkly work-clothes that require lots more effort than tees and strappies!
• straddling work, family and home will be stressful!
• … so many no mores!!

I think I’d better stop counting, or else I might just end up ditching the job offer.

Now to scramble to complete all the things I’d wanted to do at home (and thought I had all the time in the world to do them!) – cleaning out mouldy cupboards, throwing out old and useless stuff, doing Little Guy’s scrap book (four years overdue!!), painting the house…

Sheesh! 

What have I done?!

 

And the rain came down!

I love rainy days!  The past 2 days had been rainy ones! 

Love it!  Love it!  Love it!

And I just love looking at my plants glistening with the rain water.

 

Blame it on the Olympics!

There has been a lack of long and carefully thought out posts here, due to the Olympics.  Yes, blame the Olympics for EVERYTHING!

Not cooking tonight AGAIN?  Where’s my favourite shirt?  What’s with this thick layer of dust?  Run out of underwear?  Not replying emails or returning calls? 

Sorry all, I’ve been busy watching the Olympics ‘live’ at home!

It’s the first time in my entire life that I get to do this – having quit my job last year, and the Olympics being held in Beijing and ‘live’ telecasts being at earthly times!

It’s also gonna be the first time in my entire life that I’m gonna have to deal with a mountain load of laundry that’ll need Olympian effort to clear…

 

Let it rain!

I love the sight of heavy, dark clouds.  It means it’s gonna rain!  Yay!

Enough of those blistering hot days!

(Pic was taken from my balcony)

 

Up, up and away!

No, it’s not Superman, but the cost of living…

Effective this month, we’ll have to pay more for a couple of things that we can’t avoid:

1. Child care fees – up 5%
2. Estate maintenance fee – up 25% (!!)

And we won’t be surprised if the next utilities bill goes up by 5 to 10%.

Big Guy will not be adjusting the allowance that he’s giving me, as he’ll not be getting any inflationary increment himself.

I think I’d better get pro-active to earn some money to cover all these increases.  I would loathe to return to the corporate world but wouldn’t mind working at odd jobs (now, now, don’t get naughty ideas!).

I can write pretty well – so if you need writing, editing or proofreading services, e-mail me at auntie.blog@gmail.com.  I’m also good at researching stuff.  But DON’T ask me to write your essay or thesis for you (I had several such offers before, which I find totally sickening).  Go to my profile for more details.

In the meantime, I guess I will cut back on my online spending and perhaps go to the public libraries and plug my notebook there, to save on my home energy costs (and to make Big Guy’s tax dollars work harder).

Any other cost saving ideas?

 

Of stars and dots…

These two ‘charts’ are for keeping Little Guy’s behaviour in check.  At almost four years old, he can be quite unreasonably demanding at times.  Hence I came up with these. 

The stars chart was introduced first (on March 18).   When I deem that he has behaved reasonably well, I will reward with him with a star or stars.  For instance, if he ‘reads’ (he’s doing this by memory now) his Chinese books well, he will get extra stars.  Or if he behaved well during the day or during outings (he can be like a wild animal when outdoors), he will get rewarded too.  I was rather ambitious, making him a chart of fifty stars to fill.  If I were him, I would have balked at the big number.  But the kid being a kid does not understand the ‘magnitude’ of this yet.  So almost three months on, he is still gamely at it.  And we have not visited Toys ‘R’ Us for the past three to four months – quite a feat, I must say.

When I discovered that I’ve been too generous with the stars, I introduced the ‘dot’ chart.  He gets a red dot for each time that he behaves badly – like, when he refuses to go for his bath or when he’s rude (shouting, screaming, throwing tantrums).  For every two dots that he gets, a star will ‘fall off’.  As you can see, I have been quite lenient with him, although he does behave better with this ’scheme’ going on.

Of course there is an incentive in this.  Once the star chart is filled up, he gets to pick the toy of his choice (within a reasonable price range).  Right now, he is working towards some Power Rangers Mystic Force figurines.  I am trying to encourage him to change his mind into getting some Batman stuff instead.  I am a big Batman fan and have already influenced him into becoming one too (while Big Guy has failed miserably in getting him to become a Liverpool fan, for now, at least).  Little Guy already has a Batman suit, mask, pyjamas and even underwear and comics.  I got him a very nice Batman figurine too…

Now, if only he’ll ditch his hope for the Power Rangers toys and ask for this Batmobile instead?

Maybe if I ‘bribe’ him with the remaining eight stars??

 

What am I?

Seven-and-a-half months after I quit my job to stay at home (‘to get happy again’ as I wrote in my farewell e-mail), I still have great difficulty putting down housewife as my occupation.

It’s not that I despise housewives or anything, but I find the term just too archaic.  It doesn’t really describe what I do.  Yes, I do the chores (wash, cook, clean and iron) and make sure Big Guy and Little Guy get what they need, physically and emotionally.  But these do not take up all of my time.

Hey, I’m now blogging from L7 at the National Library!  (Oh, yes, gotta be home in time to cook dinner!)

Another term I could use to describe my occupation is homemaker - but the definition of it is exactly the same as that of housewife.  So no, I’m no homemaker.

I’ve pondered over this and thought maybe I could use these:

• part-time writer – after all, I did submit a couple of articles to an online writers’ website… hmm… maybe not, as a couple of articles don’t a writer make.
• blogger – just started blogging last month, but although it’s become a very interesting aspect of my life, it’s more of a pre-occupation than an occupation.  I’m certainly no xiaxue or mr brown!
• freelance transcriber – I did quite many transcriptions for a couple of academic researchers (sourced thru’ Facebook).  But I’ve since taken a break from it, as it’s time-consuming and the pay was pathetic (I only like the fact that I could actually ‘eavesdrop’ without getting into trouble).
• unemployed – this sounds depressing.  But I have used it with glee several times.  When irritating credit card/line telemarketers call, I just need to say that I’m unemployed and they thank me apologetically and hang up!  Hehehe!
• internet researcher – I like this one as I really do a lot of ‘research’ on the net.  I watch YouTube videos, read news on foreign news websites, check out other people’s blogs, do online shopping and selling, give or ask for advice on forums, monitor and trade stocks, etc, etc.  This keeps me busy for half the day, at least.

Hmm… so what am I?  Ok, maybe I’ll check up on the definition of occupation first.  The Merriam-Webster online dictionary describes it as the principal business of one’s life – doesn’t really help me at all.  Given that I spend half of each day on myself – usually in front of my computer, and the other half on ‘maidly’, motherly and ‘wifely’ duties, what’s my principal business then?

Maybe I can give myself one of those cum-cum title.  So it could be internet researcher-cum-blogger-cum-maid-cum-wife-cum-mother-cum-etc?  Quite a mouthful, isn’t it? 

Perhaps I can just put undefinable under under Occupation?

I think somebody should come up with a new term, pronto!