It’s really not easy being a policy maker, but it’s not easy being an ordinary citizen either. Things can get confusing at times.
We are encouraged, amongst many other things:
- to have more babies
- to work for as long as we can
- to look after our elderly parents
Having more babies
When you have babies, you’ll have to find someone to care for them, right? We have options such as hiring a maid, a nanny, or putting them in infant or child care centres. Or if we are lucky, our parents, parents-in-law or other immediate family members may be able to help (see later comment on working as long as we can).
Being a mother myself and having many friends who are parents, having a maid is almost always the last option. I don’t have a maid and most parents do not feel comfortable leaving maids at home alone with their babies. Plus, maids do not offer valued-added services such as reading, singing, etc, etc, basically the many things parents do when they spend time with their beloved children.
Then there are infant and child care centres. I put Little Guy in an infant care centre when he was a baby as I had little choice then. Let’s just face it - even if they increase the number of such centres a hundred times, the problems facing parents will be the same.
Babies and young children fall sick easily. Feedback from mothers everywhere shows that it is very common for their children who are placed in such centres to fall sick EVERY month for months on end. I can attest to this, as it was what happened to Little Guy until he was much older.
Now, when your child falls sick, you cannot send him/her to the care centre and so you’ll have to apply for leave to stay home to take care of him (let’s just stick to him here, ok?). Most of the time, he’ll take at LEAST two days to recover. This also usually means that you have to be away from work at very short notice (and for a few days at that), and not all bosses are understanding. Even if they are, you’ll feel bad about it when you need to do this too often. Things are worse if you have a deadline to meet, are in the midst of an important project or are due to hand in that report on THAT day. And things always happen altogether at the worst possible time, don’t they?
That is only the falling sick part. With their fixed hours, everyday is a mad rush between child care and office and vice versa, at the end of the day. Most child care centres do not serve dinner, and so it’s another mad rush home to cook (and other housework). Get a maid, you say (again)? Well I’ve heard (horror) stories of maids that’ll warrant a blog dedicated just to them.
Infant and child care centres do have their advantages, as the caregivers there are trained to handle and guide the children. That’s also why some people put their children at the centres and still have a maid at home, for household chores and for when the children fall sick and cannot go to the centres. But having both these child care aids is not something many people can afford. Even if they can afford it (probably by working as long/hard/whatever as they can), is this what they would have ideally wanted? Is this really the way people want to live if given a choice?
I’ve read many interviews in the local newspapers about how some highly successful women manage family and career without any trade-offs. I say either they are lying or are delusional. Are they close (emotionally) to their children? How can you possibly compare the relationship between a child who spends much time with a stay-at-home parent and one who sees either or both of his parents for a few hours at the end of the day? Quality time, you say? Stop kidding yourselves, lah. When the children are all grown up, I think that’s when such high-flying parents will feel the vacuum that they created years ago. And probably then, their children will only want to spend quality time (a few days a year) with them too?
Working as long as we can
Still on children, I dare say that MOST mothers would love to be able to quit their jobs to look after their children if they can. Some simply cannot afford to do that, while some can afford to, but are not willing to give up the material gains they will have, if they keep their jobs. Still there are some who heed the government’s call to work as long as they can.
Like I was saying, it isn’t easy and it’s confusing. We have people working till they are old and bent over. Some of these people need to work to live, while some just want to keep occupied. We have people writing to the newspapers, feeling sad about the many elderly toilet cleaners that they have encountered in Singapore. They feel that it reflects badly on the Singapore government and society.
Sometime back, in an article about China workers working as cleaners and dishwashers in our coffee shops and food courts,
Shandong native Zhan Xiuhua, 30, a cleaner at AMK Hub, said he was surprised to find that his colleagues were in their 60s and 70s.
‘In China, employers will hire only those in their 40s and below. But here, people can work until they are in their 60s or 70s. It’s good in a way, but I don’t understand why their children are not supporting them,‘ he said.
My mum will have said Bingo! to the last part of the statement. Being elderly and fragile, she had been in and out of hospitals. Many times, she has encountered patients who bring their maids along. These maids sit beside the patients almost the entire day, tending to their every need. It’s nobody’s guess to know that they do the same at home. My mum always asks Where are their children? Where are their children? Have children for what? My mum is for the notion that elderly parents should be tended to by their children. I feel that she has the right to expect that, having slogged almost all her healthy adult life for us (and so do most other parents, I believe).
So, if we want to be a good citizen and heed the government’s call to work for as long as we can, we
- cannot rely on our parents or immediate family to help care for our children (most parents are more comfortable with placing their children with family)
- will not have time and energy to care for our aging parents.
I’m sure there are many other downsides. But can you see the cycle? Your parents are too busy working to help you out when you start a family. You are too busy working, starting a family, and supporting the family you started, to look after your parents. Everyone is busy working for as long as they can.
My mum says the government is encouraging the aged to look after themselves (by working for as long as we can) and asks what has happened to the Asian values that the government extolled some time back.
I’m confused - have more babies, keep working, women going back to work (and other confusing things that they want from us), then what?
I took the easy way out - just when the government was encouraging us to work for as long as we can, I quit my job. Big Guy and I are just happy to have Little Guy and no more. Big Guy is also looking at a possible overseas posting.
Damn Darn! Aren’t we model citizens or what?
P.S: If you think this is a super long rant, you are right. And excuse me if the points seem disorganized - I’m confused and unsure how to voice them in an organized manner.
